At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
