Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
