you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
