yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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