I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
