we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
