He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize