im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The chlamydia really affected his face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
