my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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