I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
