i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
two words: eviction party
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
