i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Randomize
