HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
