i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
