the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize