No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
