There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
