wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
