i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
