I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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