I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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