When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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