I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
