I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
