I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
