I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Farmville is her only friend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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