i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
