Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
