Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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