so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize