Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
