Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
