sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
