You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
