we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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