You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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