During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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