we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
