First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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