history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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