is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
