Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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