I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
