she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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