Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Even my vagina gasped.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
