I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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