I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
