His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize