dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
