when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
