At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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