loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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