please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize