I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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