I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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