im about as happy as oj after his trial
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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