sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She even gives head with a lisp.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
