just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
