omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
