The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
