xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
