I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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