i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
