By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
