four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
