fuck your aforementioned shoe
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize