i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
